Freedom from Performing for Father's Love and Acceptance

I find myself seeming to be continuously aware of my poor performance and as one friend put it seemed to him I even go out of my way to solicit confirmation of that fact from others. I am thankful that It is by Fathers undeserved favor that I am saved and not by works (Performance).
Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT) "God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it."

True relationship requires complete freedom to love or perform or not. Religion is an obligation management system that is motivated by fear and shame. When in the religious system I not only used those tactics on others including my children, but even on myself by calling myself names and making unkind and impatient remarks to myself when I said or did something imperfectly, neglected something or committed a sin. However it is much easier to get out of the religious system then it is to get it out you or me. Nevertheless I can truthfully say that I am becoming more free daily.
Luke 11:42 (NLT) "But how terrible it will be for you Pharisees! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest part of your income, but you completely forget about justice and the love of God. You should tithe, yes, but you should not leave undone the more important things."

My 45 years of experienced on earth and 31 years in institutional churchianity tells me that if not all people certainly most and even more so followers of Christ try to motivate others and ourselves with guilt and shame. Matter of fact with those of us who are in Christ we often think this kind of self-motivation is a sign of passion for Christ-like character and a mark of spiritual maturity to treat ourselves this way. In truth it is pride and self-righteousness.

I'm reminded of Abraham and how Father is so perfectly forgiving of his failures that Abraham is called the father of all who live by faith in Romans 4:16 (NLT) "So that's why faith is the key! God's promise is given to us as a free gift. And we are certain to receive it, whether or not we follow Jewish customs, if we have faith like Abraham's. For Abraham is the father of all who believe." This is in spite of Abraham calling his wife his sister to save his own hide and impregnating His slave, because he and his wife got tired of waiting on God to fulfill his promise to give him a son.

This past week I came down with something like a cold virus and have not felt much like doing anything. However unlike in the past when I did not feel well I felt guilt and shame when I did not feel motivated enough to pray more then a minute or two, read and meditate on scripture, or be around people. Now, because I am more free from religion and have a authentic relationship with Father I have genuine joy and peace, because I know Father loves me even though I do not feel much like doing anything even writing which is one of the things I really enjoy or in this case typing.

This week before and now that I feel better I haven not had a profound aha moment when reading the word or in prayer, but by grace even while sitting at my desk in my State Government office, driving my truck, or commuting on public transportation, or sitting here in my bed with my lap top I have been consciously aware of Fathers presence, love, and effection. Even shortly after I've had less then gracious attitudes toward or words spoken to someone.

Ever since I completely severed ties with institutional church I have become progressively more aware of the need for Father every moment. I'm beginning to see that somehow though I saw this in others it was just as true of me that going to church somehow gave a false sense of greater spiritual maturity and a healthier relationship with Father then I actually had. Nevertheless it is not the awareness of my lack that has drawn me to progressively increase abiding in Christ and growing closer toward the lifestyle of prayer unceasing it is the increasing revelation of Fathers love for me that is drawing me along. Not fear of displeasing Him or losing out on some blessing or shame of failure, but the more I experience Fathers love the more I desire to be with Him. I am even finding that I feel Father's presence and love even when in the midst of sinning and that brings me to genuine repentance quickly.
Romans 2:4 "..God's kindness leads you toward repentance..."

My unbelieving coworkers and unbelieving mother as well as my daughter and son both of whom are in Christ have said that "since you left church you are much friendlier, kinder, more helpful, more joyful, and less stressed." Apparently some how even though I am a poor performer by hanging out with Father more and more His character, attitudes, and love motivated behavior is rub off on me.
2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (NIV) "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."