Experiencing Spiritual Growing Pains is Not Fun, but it is Necessary

As I have mentioned numerous times recently I am in a season of great stripping and transition and I am feeling very uncomfortable.

Of course, it is good nevertheless often growth involves spiritual growing pains it reminds me of the way parents say of their sons and daughters in adolescence that they are experiencing growing pains.

The last 2 weeks it feels like whatever could go wrong has, I am having experiences that I have looked forward to for years however; they appear to not be resulting in what I have pictured.

Partially, because things that I thought would provide more opportunity, less restraints, and result in a greater release of resources are instead happening at a time when resources especially monetary have greatly decreased.

As I shared last week, my truck broke down and needs a $2500 repair and there still is no means in site for the repair to be completed.

You see my eldest child, my daughter, moved out on her own several months ago and my youngest; my son completed the vocational training yesterday that he needs to begin his chosen career.

I have been looking forward all their lives for the day when my son and daughter reached this stage in their lives and it truly is a blessing to know that they have successfully made it from childhood through adolescence into adulthood without having made any major negatively life altering decisions.

I am blessed to have an increasingly excellent and growing relationship with both of my children.

My son is moving out next week to get a fresh start in another part of California and the loan on my Pickup will be paid off in 9 months so I would not have that payment anymore which would have released even more financial resources.

I had envisioned that when my daughter and son successfully reached adulthood and moved out to make a life for themselves I would finally be able to begin saving money and have more expendable time.

Not to prepare for retirement or for self-indulgence, but to invest in loving my neighbors who are in greater need then I and into building up the Body of Christ as those are the things I get the most fulfillment from.

Instead, by all appearances just the opposite is happening.

Since I work for the State of California my wages have decreased by 15% over the past several months, which is literally bankrupting me financially.

In turn that effects how I can spend time investing in others and whether I can even go to where some people Father has given me relationship with live, because they are not within walking, or bike riding distance from me and from where I live to where many of them live there is no public transportation.

To top it off last weekend along with my mother and daughter and some friends of my daughter’s friends I was a eyewitnesses to a bazaar violent crime and if it was not for Fathers protection, we could have easily become victims.

By the middle of this week, I was feeling like a victim of circumstances beyond my control and was in a very nasty mood feeling pissed off at everything and everyone for no specific reason.

I am better today, because I was allowed to leave work early on Wednesday and I took several hours away from everyone and everything just to get alone with Father.

Additionally to get needed sleep, because due to stress I had not slept well since last Saturday night after getting home near midnight and witnessing the crime I mentioned above.

Frankly if I was reading what I just wrote, I would be tempted to not believe me though I am the one living it, it all just seems too bazaar to be the truth.

I have no desire to retire actually I want to be busy building up the Church however Father has for me to be involved with him doing that and through demonstration followed by proclamation loving those who are not yet reconciled to him.

At this point, the one thing I know is that through these things I am unlearning a lot of the garbage that religion taught me.

Having spent time alone with Father last Wednesday, I did not come away with some new and big revelation or even any answers to what I am experiencing.

All I know is that the Holy Spirit comforted my body, soul, and spirit and as I spent time with Father, the seemingly overwhelming enormity of what I am going through became much smaller almost insignificant.

I no longer feel like a victim and I have confidence that regardless how it looks and feels if I trust Father and not my own understanding He will be glorified and through it all most importantly my relationship with Father will increase and I will be a better lover of my neighbors.

I am understanding increasingly more life in Christ is only about Living Loved and living love wherever that leads and in Father’s eyes, that is success regardless everything else or what anyone else thinks.